firestarterfairy's Blog

When did it happen? LOL I already know why. It seems just only yesterday I was sitting in front of the tv on a saturday morning, watching Cartoons while the smell of Breakfast filled the air. That was so long ago though. I mean granted, I dont even have the urge to watch them anymore. I use to love shows like spongebob, Jimmy Newtron, and fairly oddparents. They all seemed to have adult Jokes, Nickolodeon has always had a talent with that. I am still struggling with everyday life as well as life in General. I am alot happier than I once was. Everything seems to just be falling into place and that is just so wonderful to me, I fill the joy in my heart always that God has brought to my life. Bringing me and my Husband back together it makes me so glad that he is in my life everyday. The Lord is also hard at work in my husbands life. He doesn't fullen understand quite yet as well as I dont, but everything will work out for God's will. I start my new job Monday. I am so happy. I will be a full Honorary employee of Hardee's YAY!. You may not understand while it excites me so much. When you have been as long as I have without a normal job, it starts to eat away at you. As I said before. God is doing wonders for my life and everything is seeming to be falling into place. I will never give up and I will remain fully with my faith. I love my life and well as all those init.  I guess that is such a very grown up thing to say :-D

I am happy to report....I am not getting a divorce!. It feels so good to say that. Me and my husband are back together after a long trying couple of months. We have moved to Virgina and am starting over with our lives. The job market here sucks just as bad as the ones back home...Home...Where is Home. If you look into my blogs you will see that I fell one someone who I thought was the one. This ended up getting me addicted to cocaine and abused me. Always accused me of doing something wrong.  I was about 97 lbs when I got back to my husband with a broken foot, hip, bruises around my neck. I woke up real quick. I was just baptized last Sunday. It was wonderful. I am getting right with the Lord again. It took me awhile to get to this point in my life and I'm glad I did. I find myself though still worrying about worldly things. I know though that everything will be alright. I have Jesus at the wheel of my life. I still sometimes think of the other guy....but I know it's for the best to be where I'm at. Where I was at in North Carolina....I probably would have been murdered.  It is hard to admit when someone is not good for you, especially when u were so in love with that person and hurt alot of people to do anything for them. I know now that God has put me here for a purpose and I will keep letting him lead the way in my life. 

Oh my Goodness. How can I be so Happy about having nowhere to go. No home to call my own anymore. Then I realize, the world is my home. I have jesus in my heart. No matter where I am I am home.  I am starting a new life pretty much....a new me. A me I love being with the on eI love. It greats not knowing what lies ahead, but even with every bone in my body, being with my man and also having the lord ha ha is all I need for a home, also my puppy. I am getting evicited tomorrow and wont have a computer or a house. Maybe a motel room. I will have my love with me, my pup, and jesus. LOL What could go wrong. I am going to get myself back on track. I am going to find a job and go back to school, and completly start over. Start reading the bible again, doing a bible study, not let things bother me anymore. No matter what I willl be ok.

6 yrs I spent with my husband, I was never truly happy. I loved him yes, but something was always missing. We had great times together, yet the bad times were still there. I met this guy that for some reason I was madly in love with from the moment I saw him. I had butterflies in my stomach when I'd talk to him and he could make me smile and laugh till my tummy ache. We have only known each other for 3 months. I was still with my husband at the time and the guy was one of my husbands friends. He came around quite often, even living with us.  I started falling for him. Well, my husband got the idea that I wanted a threesome with him, of course I did cause of the feelings I already had for him.  My husband ask him out of a night of drunkness if he wanted to do a threesome with me that night. I was happy as hell I am not gunna lie. I was excited and nervous in my stomach, cause here i had been with the same man for 6 yrs so in love, and yet I felt more love for the guy then my husband.me and the guy ended up making out during the threesome and oops living my husband out. I didn't mean for it to happen that way, my emotions just got the best of me. It was wonderful! It is even hard for me to admit but I forgot my husband was there.  What hurt me the most is that I would have to hurt the person I had been with and who grew to love me and i love them  out of 6 yrs. I had to follow my heart. We are now getting a divorce, I am with that guy, and my now ex husband is trying to get back out there. All this happned around Christmas which really sucked. I will always still care for him, but my heart belongs to two people now, GOD and my new Boa. Srry for hurting you I really did love you, I still do, I just cant keep dragging you around, it's not fair.

I lost myself for the longest time. Finally I have internet back. It feels so good to be able to write again. My husband job has been failing us lately, but the lord is keeping me strong and both of us out of harms way.  He started working for the cable company. They hvane;t worked him in two weeks though and I still haven't been able to find a regular job. It is driving me nuts. LOL O well. I know we will be ok.

Never knew how easy it was to cry with happiness to have him in ur heart, This time I will not lose him. I may have alot on my plate. I am going to make the lord first in every day, It is still ok to make mistakes, He is always with me and has never forsaken me. I was made for his purpose. He knows my life. I will not try to worry over stupid stuff, Try not to be so judgemental. I forgive all thoses even thoses who have not forgave me. He will take care of m,e

I feel it is important to spend time with your family, and yet I find it one of the hardest things to do. I mean yea; sure you love them, but they always seem to know extractly what to say to get on your last nerve. My sister is one of the nosiest people I know.  I know she does it out of love, but sometimes I just wish she would back off and just be a sister, not a dictator lol. I believe that the lord has me on the right path even though some people may not think so. I love my sister and the rest of my family with all my heart. The weirdest things is, the one that seems to care the most are never around, sort of just send you presents. I guess I am just stange. I still would not change my family for nothing

It is true. You guys have seen me and my husband not older age with our apperance, but also grow with who we are. I never thought this site would help in that way. I have been coming to this site for about 4 years now and I was looking at my photos. I dont normally do that. I was actually amazed how I had changed. In two ways this worked. One I didn't think it would be like this now and two I honestly feel like a more mature and well based person now. I am still always happy.

 It Has been a very long time since I have been on this site. I am actual in a way, glad I found it again. Me and my husband have moved into and apartment. I am so much happier here then where we were. We I guess you could say, had slumlords. They didn't want to fix anything. I was truly sick and tired of paying a 453 light bill a month, and not even having ac. We were in a two bedroom house with 1 bath. I know for a fact my light bill should have never been that high to begin with. It is a lil stange where we ended up moving though. We moved into the same apartments where my mother had her stroke two days before she died. It is a little weird being back in, but I enjoy it. I mostly miss writing and here, I dont feel as stressed out. I feel as if this time things are actually going to work out for the better.  I still find myself worrying still. I always ask myself questions. Should I be already figured out? Should I already be finacial set? I have no real answers to these questions, I do know however that the lord is gunna take care of my and my family. He will lead me to the right path.

When all the things now happening with the President, and with everyone saying the world is going to end in 2012. My heart says dont believe it, but then my mind says you need to be scared of these things. Everytime I now come across a new report, I now cringe. I am only 21, I am a christian that still struggles, I have ask to be forgiven and pray, helps those around me, try not to judge or lie, yet I find myself making the same mistakes. I feel the lord with me all the time. I am afraid of dieing cause of many things, Not because of where I will go, but what happens to those left behind. I worry cause my husband is not religous. It scares me so.  Right now I am having to dance for us to survive and he hasn't been able to find a  job, he has now gave up looking till the summer.  I want to have a better job, TO the point where I dont want to dance anymore. I know the lord is with me always, I sometimes think in my brain he doesnt' , cause satan is strong, then the lord is stronger then satan and pulls me away from his power. I am just a worry wart I guess u can say, but honestly tell me if I am Wrong. Input would be nice

Well lol I am sick again. No matter what medicines I take, I still cant get rid of this cold. I hate it in the winter time, u cant really tell if it's a cold or just the weather. Things having been going so well where I am. My hubby still cant find a job and bills seem to be just plieing up. I have tried so hard just to have me just work, I felt that I didn't want him to work. Now things have changed and he really needs to get a job.  I am so glad that Obama is now our PREZ. I wanted it so bad I even prayed for it lol. I bet alot of people prayed for MCCAIN to be PREZ to.  I really think in my heart that Obama will do a good job.  McCain just in a stranged way scared me and please noone take offense to that or send me hate mail lol. Everyone has a right to their own opionion.  Getting ready to take a shower, and possiabe wake up lol. not so sure if my body will allow it.

Here me now LOL. I have been dancing since I was 18 and that is all I do is just dance. Alot of christians such as myself are telling me that their is no hope and that I am going straight to hell. This is what I am having to do to survive.  I think of it like acting. When I go to work, I put on a different front and just become an actress when I perform. It would be like If I was in a movie and I got paid to take my top off. I dont understand y I am being judged so harshly. I have been one of Gods children truly for the past 2 years. I have accepted his son again, and ask to be forgive. He has not left my side not even for  a day. I speak to him everyday and thank him for what he has given me. He has made sure I haven't gone hungry. I will be in heaven one day with him. I have no idea which family members I will see when I get there. LOL I pray that I see evryone there.

I need to get out of this habvit. For the past about 5 nights or so. Me and my hubsand for some reason Have been not being tired and sleepy untill about 9 am in the morning. We stay up all night newayz due to work, but we normally go to bed around 4 am. It is making us get up past 6 pm. This is not a good thing. I missed paying a few bills today because of it. I was wondering if neone out there has a trick to help us wake up a lil earlier mayber aroung 3 pm with out getting sleepy again?

October has always been my favotire month. I have always loved the spookyness of Halloween. I have always wanted to do more for it just am do chicken to do so. Since 4 years ago it hasn't really been a good month, but a month of nightmare. I lost my mother on October 14th 2004. I found my mother on my bedroom floor on the 12th of ocober in 2004. So many questions still left unanswered. I would really love to know why she was in my bedroom. Me and my mother slept in the same bed. I know alot of people after saying that thinks it's weird but I didn't. I slept in the bed with my mother so I could keep and eye on her. Even though I felt as if I was protecting her, I felt safer sleeping in the same room as her. I have always slept with my mom.  I cant stand sleeping alone. I have to be in the room with someone else. I miss my mother everyday. Me and her use to fight like cats and dogs. She was bipolar so It felt as if she took everything out on me. I feel as if I didn't make it easy for her. She knew exactly what to say to make me raise a fist. She knew what she was doing. I should repharse that. Being bipolar is really a deadly disease, I had to watch her suffer with it my whole life. She lost her husband ( my father) After 5 weeks of me being born. I will tell you one thing though. I dont think I would have such a fear of death if she was still alive today.  So many questions I would love to ask her. I am crying just writing this. I just wanna tell her that I am srry for everything and that I do miss her more then she could ever know. I love you mom. I will see you one day in Heaven. I promise u that

Hey guys, I have finally got my cmputer back up and running fully. I love it! It gives me a better chance to be able to tell my stories To all my fans, thanks u so much for listening. I sometimes feel like noone cares but my lord. To find out people really read my stories, makes me so happy. If any of ya'll need to talk to someone.... day or night I have an aim... My screen name is Dunfairy. Im me at any time and if I am up I will be more then happy to speak with you.  Thanks again

Hey guys,

I finally got my computer up and running again. I am so excited to be back on here. there are alot of people on here that have brought me joy every since I have been on this site. I have also found my self coming closer to god. That makes me real happy to know that there is no end to getting closer to my lord.  I hope all my friends on here are doing just as well if not. I will pray for each and everyone if need be.

Thanks and I love you all as close friends.