firestarterfairy's Blog

I lost myself for the longest time. Finally I have internet back. It feels so good to be able to write again. My husband job has been failing us lately, but the lord is keeping me strong and both of us out of harms way.  He started working for the cable company. They hvane;t worked him in two weeks though and I still haven't been able to find a regular job. It is driving me nuts. LOL O well. I know we will be ok.

Never knew how easy it was to cry with happiness to have him in ur heart, This time I will not lose him. I may have alot on my plate. I am going to make the lord first in every day, It is still ok to make mistakes, He is always with me and has never forsaken me. I was made for his purpose. He knows my life. I will not try to worry over stupid stuff, Try not to be so judgemental. I forgive all thoses even thoses who have not forgave me. He will take care of m,e

I feel it is important to spend time with your family, and yet I find it one of the hardest things to do. I mean yea; sure you love them, but they always seem to know extractly what to say to get on your last nerve. My sister is one of the nosiest people I know.  I know she does it out of love, but sometimes I just wish she would back off and just be a sister, not a dictator lol. I believe that the lord has me on the right path even though some people may not think so. I love my sister and the rest of my family with all my heart. The weirdest things is, the one that seems to care the most are never around, sort of just send you presents. I guess I am just stange. I still would not change my family for nothing

It is true. You guys have seen me and my husband not older age with our apperance, but also grow with who we are. I never thought this site would help in that way. I have been coming to this site for about 4 years now and I was looking at my photos. I dont normally do that. I was actually amazed how I had changed. In two ways this worked. One I didn't think it would be like this now and two I honestly feel like a more mature and well based person now. I am still always happy.

 It Has been a very long time since I have been on this site. I am actual in a way, glad I found it again. Me and my husband have moved into and apartment. I am so much happier here then where we were. We I guess you could say, had slumlords. They didn't want to fix anything. I was truly sick and tired of paying a 453 light bill a month, and not even having ac. We were in a two bedroom house with 1 bath. I know for a fact my light bill should have never been that high to begin with. It is a lil stange where we ended up moving though. We moved into the same apartments where my mother had her stroke two days before she died. It is a little weird being back in, but I enjoy it. I mostly miss writing and here, I dont feel as stressed out. I feel as if this time things are actually going to work out for the better.  I still find myself worrying still. I always ask myself questions. Should I be already figured out? Should I already be finacial set? I have no real answers to these questions, I do know however that the lord is gunna take care of my and my family. He will lead me to the right path.

When all the things now happening with the President, and with everyone saying the world is going to end in 2012. My heart says dont believe it, but then my mind says you need to be scared of these things. Everytime I now come across a new report, I now cringe. I am only 21, I am a christian that still struggles, I have ask to be forgiven and pray, helps those around me, try not to judge or lie, yet I find myself making the same mistakes. I feel the lord with me all the time. I am afraid of dieing cause of many things, Not because of where I will go, but what happens to those left behind. I worry cause my husband is not religous. It scares me so.  Right now I am having to dance for us to survive and he hasn't been able to find a  job, he has now gave up looking till the summer.  I want to have a better job, TO the point where I dont want to dance anymore. I know the lord is with me always, I sometimes think in my brain he doesnt' , cause satan is strong, then the lord is stronger then satan and pulls me away from his power. I am just a worry wart I guess u can say, but honestly tell me if I am Wrong. Input would be nice

Well lol I am sick again. No matter what medicines I take, I still cant get rid of this cold. I hate it in the winter time, u cant really tell if it's a cold or just the weather. Things having been going so well where I am. My hubby still cant find a job and bills seem to be just plieing up. I have tried so hard just to have me just work, I felt that I didn't want him to work. Now things have changed and he really needs to get a job.  I am so glad that Obama is now our PREZ. I wanted it so bad I even prayed for it lol. I bet alot of people prayed for MCCAIN to be PREZ to.  I really think in my heart that Obama will do a good job.  McCain just in a stranged way scared me and please noone take offense to that or send me hate mail lol. Everyone has a right to their own opionion.  Getting ready to take a shower, and possiabe wake up lol. not so sure if my body will allow it.

Here me now LOL. I have been dancing since I was 18 and that is all I do is just dance. Alot of christians such as myself are telling me that their is no hope and that I am going straight to hell. This is what I am having to do to survive.  I think of it like acting. When I go to work, I put on a different front and just become an actress when I perform. It would be like If I was in a movie and I got paid to take my top off. I dont understand y I am being judged so harshly. I have been one of Gods children truly for the past 2 years. I have accepted his son again, and ask to be forgive. He has not left my side not even for  a day. I speak to him everyday and thank him for what he has given me. He has made sure I haven't gone hungry. I will be in heaven one day with him. I have no idea which family members I will see when I get there. LOL I pray that I see evryone there.

I need to get out of this habvit. For the past about 5 nights or so. Me and my hubsand for some reason Have been not being tired and sleepy untill about 9 am in the morning. We stay up all night newayz due to work, but we normally go to bed around 4 am. It is making us get up past 6 pm. This is not a good thing. I missed paying a few bills today because of it. I was wondering if neone out there has a trick to help us wake up a lil earlier mayber aroung 3 pm with out getting sleepy again?

October has always been my favotire month. I have always loved the spookyness of Halloween. I have always wanted to do more for it just am do chicken to do so. Since 4 years ago it hasn't really been a good month, but a month of nightmare. I lost my mother on October 14th 2004. I found my mother on my bedroom floor on the 12th of ocober in 2004. So many questions still left unanswered. I would really love to know why she was in my bedroom. Me and my mother slept in the same bed. I know alot of people after saying that thinks it's weird but I didn't. I slept in the bed with my mother so I could keep and eye on her. Even though I felt as if I was protecting her, I felt safer sleeping in the same room as her. I have always slept with my mom.  I cant stand sleeping alone. I have to be in the room with someone else. I miss my mother everyday. Me and her use to fight like cats and dogs. She was bipolar so It felt as if she took everything out on me. I feel as if I didn't make it easy for her. She knew exactly what to say to make me raise a fist. She knew what she was doing. I should repharse that. Being bipolar is really a deadly disease, I had to watch her suffer with it my whole life. She lost her husband ( my father) After 5 weeks of me being born. I will tell you one thing though. I dont think I would have such a fear of death if she was still alive today.  So many questions I would love to ask her. I am crying just writing this. I just wanna tell her that I am srry for everything and that I do miss her more then she could ever know. I love you mom. I will see you one day in Heaven. I promise u that

Hey guys, I have finally got my cmputer back up and running fully. I love it! It gives me a better chance to be able to tell my stories To all my fans, thanks u so much for listening. I sometimes feel like noone cares but my lord. To find out people really read my stories, makes me so happy. If any of ya'll need to talk to someone.... day or night I have an aim... My screen name is Dunfairy. Im me at any time and if I am up I will be more then happy to speak with you.  Thanks again

Hey guys,

I finally got my computer up and running again. I am so excited to be back on here. there are alot of people on here that have brought me joy every since I have been on this site. I have also found my self coming closer to god. That makes me real happy to know that there is no end to getting closer to my lord.  I hope all my friends on here are doing just as well if not. I will pray for each and everyone if need be.

Thanks and I love you all as close friends.

Alot of people are now trying to take things we watched as children and turn them into movies  or remakes this is a list of what I would  love and pay to see in theaters

1. The Jetsons ( Seriously who would play who?)

2. Captian Planet ( He is who we need to see right now LOL GLOBAL WARMING !!!!!)

3. I dream of Jennie ( I heard they were but haven't seen it yet)

4. Micheal Jackson music videos 3d ( Such as Thriller ,GHost (long version) and Remeber the time) Alot of people may not agree but he still had good music.

5. speed racer 3d ( it was good but it still needed more hmmpf)

6. Countinue the Goonies ( I would love for my kids to one day see it)

Email me movies you think and I will add them.

I am a christian and I know the main importants things. How to live right and  live by God. I believe and trust that jesus died for my sins. I know I will go to heaven one day. I still though get the feelings in the back of my mind that I am not pleasing God. My aunt tells me satan is trying to hold of me and That I am just how God wants me and nomatter what I do. SInce I have him in my heart I will be with him one day. I dont read my bible often nor do I go to church. I cant seem to find a church that doesn't get on my nerves. I love my Lord and I want to do good by him. Even though I dance for a living I dont think he hates me for it. I am doing what I have to to survice.

Any Suggestions?